What is Mediation and How Does It Work?

Do you ever feel like the person you’re trying to communicate with speaks another language?  Well, think of mediation as a way to translate speaking and listening into understanding.   Mediation is a face-to-face meeting with an objective outsider. We provide an objective set of eyes and hears untainted by the previous interactions of the parties.  This is the “magic” of mediation. We understand that it can be painful and aggrevating to talk about personal, confidential information with others. 

Rest assured your personal information will be kept private. 

The details of how this works is spelled out in the “Agreement to Participate in Mediation” form that you will get when you start the process.  The only record of the mediation is a report of the results and the written agreement, if one is reached.  You may withdraw from the meeting any time you choose or if you believe you can get better results by dealing with your situation in another way. Some people like to talk about one issue per meeting then plan for the next meeting so, you may have one mediation session or you may have multiple sessions, that’s up to you.

Lots of people have the same arguments over and over.

The mediator will

• Lead the meeting by keeping the conversation on track, acting kind of like a referee except we don’t keep “score” or decide who is right wrong.
• Ask questions like “What does it mean to you when you say _________?”  and “Why is _______ important to you?” to help make sure you understand each other.

Focused listening coupled with effective questioning provides the mediator insight and understanding of your needs. The mediator listens for what        Matters most to each personIssues you hope to resolve and Effect the problem has had on your life. 

Another skill the mediator uses is effective questioning.  This helps you think of things

• You may not have thought about before- like creative options and sometimes,
• Things you don’t want to think about – like obstacles and challenges to your argument or positionn.

A lot of times it helps for you to hear the other person tell their view of the situation to an outsider.  One of the results is that the other person is required to be clear and consise about what they believe happened so you get to hear their perspective “for the first time” from what they consider to be the beginning of the conflict. For example oftentimes people will say, “We didn’t have a problem until…” 

The mediator acts as a filter between the parties.  After hearing each side explain their point of view the mediator explains your needs to the other party minus the distraction and interference of your emotions.  This allows you to see and hear from a different perspective.

You then have the wisdom and insight to make decisions about your future. Some of the things mediators can help with include

• Conveying your needs to the other party in a private meeting without you present
• Moving the parties forward into problem solving
• Figuring out ways you can meet each others needs and still get what you want, without compromise
• Determining what you need to resolve a problem, not necessarily from a “legal issues” point of view but helping you decide what is is that you want included in your agreement and what is most important to you. 

    You may work together or seperately to craft your own practical, flexible agreements. You decide what it is that you want included in your agreement.
Perhaps you desire

• A financial settlement
• An apology
• A change in behavior
  
• Click here for more infomation on scheduling a mediation
  

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